Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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