ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
