It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
