Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
