you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Enjoy the penises
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
