I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize