I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
