I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
