i can't believe i had my finger in that
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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