I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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