Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
