fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
