He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
