i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
