what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
