do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize