There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
