So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
