Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
