if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
