I just threw up on my dentist
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
