Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
