Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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