Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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