So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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