i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bring me that man meat
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
