no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize