Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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