butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
