the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
