Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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