After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
