The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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