ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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