last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
wow bdsm is so cute
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