I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
