census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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