Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
