You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
