i think i have two assholes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
