GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize