It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
