we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She needs sedatives and a leash
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
