3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
