Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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