So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
