So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize