are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize