i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
