i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
