My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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