my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
