I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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