Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just puked most of my soul out..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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