you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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