He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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