i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
