My liver just broke up with me...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I AM VODKA MAN
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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