Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
