If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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