it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
